Almost one month already!.

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原帖由 冰城来客 于 2010-1-1 17:30 发表

There were fourteen famillies who visited the milk factory this afternoon, we all walked around the workshop (should be dairy) and tasted fresh milk, we were all very happy.

Alternatively you co ...

You would never use commas like that in a proper english sentence, but I guess if it makes sense where you live...

In anything I've ever learned, you would only use a semi-colon to seperate segments of a sentence like that without the word "and" or something similar. Never commas, that's completely inappropriate. Periods are fine, but that does make it look a little choppy, but if you were going to combine it, you would use a semi-colon.

So it would be:

There were fourteen famillies who visited the milk factory this afternoon; we all walked around the workshop and tasted fresh milk; we were all very happy.

And it still looks very odd. Anyway.

The only way it would look proper with commas would be:

There were fourteen famillies who visited the milk factory this afternoon, and we all walked around the workshop and tasted fresh milk, and we were all very happy.

And that's obviously a run-on sentence.

If it were me typing this up, it would look like this:

There were fourteen famillies who visited the milk factory this afternoon. We all walked around the workshop and tasted fresh milk, and we were all very happy..

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-2-7 20:33 发表
We are going to buy some fireworks. I like to play with them very much.

I don't think we'd say 'play with' fireworks, only because we'd know people might think that was strange & a bit dangerous & might laugh... so we'd probably say 'let them off' or 'watch them' ..

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-2-7 20:39 发表
We lighted fireworks in the evening just now. They were really beautiful.

We lit fireworks this evening or we just lit our fireworks..... just now is a phrase you usually only use to clarify to someone exactly when you're talking about, eg 'when did you let the fireworks off? Just now..

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-3-17 20:45 发表
I made a hat with an eagle on it!

with the exclamation point...I reserve their use for something that I want to convey as though I shouted it.

.

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-3-28 19:19 发表
Daddy, Mommy and my sister Jasmine picked me up after chess class together this evening. We took some pictures of night scene on middle Huaihai Rd. on the way home. It was really beautiful.

I'd put another comma after Jasmine, it separates the list of names. There should always be a space after a comm too.

The "On the way home..." sentence is missing an article. It should say either 'some pictures of the night scene" or "of a night scene." I'd tend toward "the." The use of "really" in the last sentence is redundant, I'd leave it out.
   
Daddy, Mommy and my sister Jasmine picked me up after chess class together this evening. We took some pictures of the night scene on middle Huaihai Rd. on the way home. It was beautiful..

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-3-28 19:25 发表
Today, my grammy gets sick too. Now both my grandparents are in the hospital. We worry about them very much.

I'd leave the "too" off the first sentence. Each sentence should make sense on it's own and this one doesn't until you read the next sentence.

I'd put a comma after "Now,"

I'd say "I worry about them... " everything else in the paragraph is first person, introducing third person in this sentence makes the reader wonder, "just who is 'we' now?"

Today, my grammy gets sick. Now, both my grandparents are in the hospital. I worry about them very much..

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-3-29 21:09 发表
We are going to field trip the day after tomorrow.

I'd say: "We are going on a field trip the day after tomorrow.".

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-4-18 19:04 发表
Mom and sister picked me up today. On the way home, my sister and I shared the bread bite by bite.

I'd tend to use "with my "Sister" some people say it's assumed, depends on whether you use "sister" and a proper name or not (as well as local custom.)

I'd leave the definite article off of "bread." The reader doesn't know about the existence of any bread yet so referring it to is a a specific thing, is qa little awkward. If the bread had been introduced to us in an earlier sentence or even earlier in the sentence (such as "Mom brought some bread for a snack. On the way home, my sister and I shared the bread, bite by bite.") that would work for me. oh, and you need a comman after "bread."

[ 本帖最后由 香格里拉的春天 于 2010-4-23 10:41 编辑 ].

Keep on.....

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原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-6-27 20:55 发表
My chess level got upgraded to 2D finally after 7 plays today.

Finally, After 7 matches, my chess level was upgraded to 2D today..